the other night I went to the Bar. as I was playing pool I knocked over a guys beer. When he turn and glared at me. Then he replied "Im going to kick your ass."
I looked at him all of 6ft 5in 320lbs of him and replied "are you going to run."
he replied "NO"
I replied "then you are not going to catch my ass"

there was this magician who had a pet parrot who would sit on his shoulder while he did his shows, the magician would do the trick where he hides the rabbit in the hat and the parrot would always go "its in the hat its in the hat!" so the magician was doing a show on a cruise ship and it sank and the magician finds a floating peace of debris and the parrot flies over to it and says... "i give up, whated you do with the frickin ship

"Anthony's Mom"



Thank you, thank you...I'm here all week.

.......last night I went out drinking as I looked at the clock it read 1:30 am. so I went to my car. as I was crossing the street I noticed a cop car with someone in it. that when I set in the back of my car. As I sat there another guy walked out drunker that fecal material. He stumbled from car to car. so he found one that his key worked. then he sat down and pasted out. I new if I left the cop would have fucked me over too. so I waited. Its now 2:45 am. The only car on the street was mine, the cops, and the drunk guys. the drunk guy started to pull away. And you can guess what happen. Yes the cop pulled him over. then the cop had him do the walk the line. Out of amazement he did a good job. so the cop gave him the breathalyzer test. it read .002. so the cop replied this one must be broken and gave him another one. and it read .002.
the cop then replied "what the BLAM!, I saw you drunker than fecal material about 1 hour ago." the man replied "ooh now one told you... I was the dedicated decoy for the night."

remember this is just a joke not a true story.....